I found it interesting that when I searched on the internet about relationships, mother daughter relationship articles where at the top of the search. After reading a few of the articles I was excited to find the authors were speaking my language. Stop Fixing, Ask a Power Question, Not all Problems need to be shared with your kids.
1. Stop Fixing – this is sometimes is hard because we also want to support those we love. However fixing things robs your daughter of learning how to be independent of others. What this teaches daughters is to find a partner who will fix them, which leads them to be codependent instead of independent in their relationships.
2. Ask a Power Question – when someone comes to us with a problem we automatically assume they need our advice. I find that more times than not they are wanting to talk about the problem first. Instead of giving unwanted advice, ask them this question “If your friend was going through this problem what would you tell her to do?” A majority of the time they will find their own answer to their problem. This is the best gift a Mother can give a daughter, the gift of independent problem solving.
3. Problems and Sharing – I have seen many Moms share their intense problems with their daughters. This sets up a role reversal which is not healthy for either of you. I believe we should share a problem and a solution. If you have not yet gotten through to the solution, don’t share the ugly parts with your daughter. Here are some ways to still share without going into details –
“I am going through a challenge right now and when I have a solution to this challenge I will share it with you”. This is also teaching her how to do this with her own children.
One of my missions in life is to educate parents on how to communicate and have healthy relationships with their children. As the parents do this the children learn how to thrive and have healthy relationships of their own. I believe this is how the world evolves to a healthier way of living.
Do you want to learn more? I suggest this great book by Linda Perlman Gordon and Susan Morris Shaffer