Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Relationship of Love

As a society, we have spent a lot of time focusing on being “In Love” with someone. Many people think they are a failure if they don’t find love.

I have thought about what being in love means, and for a long time I wondered what it felt like. I wondered if I would ever feel it or if I was feeling it but did not realize it.

I believe many people struggle with what it means to be “In Love” and wonder if they will ever find it. Many search endlessly for their “soul mate” in life and never really find that one special person. Others jump from one relationship to another hoping to find what being in love is all about.

Over the past three years, I have been given the personal experience to study what being “In Love” is all about, and here is what I have concluded…

What we truly desire as humans is relationships that honor our souls and enlighten our spiritual path. Love is one of the aspects that fulfills this desire. However, there is more to explore than just L.O.V.E.

One aspect is communication. How do you communicate with your “In Love” partner? Do you only talk about the things that need to be done, the things you need from them, or the things you need them to do?

Often this is the case. From a young age, we are taught to tell others what we need. If they don’t give it to us, they are not in love with us. The thought that you “NEED” someone else to do something for you is a thought of the Ego. The ego does not feel complete without someone else giving to it. The Ego needs and it needs others to do things differently for it to be happy.

As I have studied the relationships of love for the last three years, I have discovered what a Relationship of Love is and how it differs from being “In Love.”

In short, I believe the relationship of Love is about each person’s desires that honor and enlighten their soul’s spiritual path. To translate how this looks in our world, here is a short story of how one couple’s relationship went from being “In Love” to a Relationship of Love.

In the beginning, the couple was “In Love” – it was exciting and fun. They spent time together going to the movies, out to eat and dancing. They were in the swing of dating and having a great time.

They soon felt the need to move their relationship to the next level, so they got married. After a few years, they decided to have a child, and 16 months later, they had another child. Life was busy with two in diapers and thriving careers. They had little time for each other.

There was talk of being “In Love” with words of “I Love YOU” being mentioned on a daily basis, but there was little action toward honoring each other with love. Of course, there was the usual celebration of love on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Birthdays and Christmas – thank goodness for these holidays, otherwise many would be completely without the honoring of love.

The couple spent many years in survival mode, and communication was curt and business like. Conversations were like this, “Did you pay this bill?” “Did you take out the trash?” “Did you make the doctor appointment for the kids?” “Will you be able to make the kids’ soccer game?”

The couple survived by thinking, “Once we get through this stage of life, then we will be able to show our love for each other.” They also had the other deadly thought, “He/She must know I love them. I tell them all the time.”

After ten years of this survival mode and disconnection, it is no surprise that the couple was facing divorce. But, after working with a Life Coach and taking time to work on their own self-love, they have each discovered their true desires about a Relationship of “Love,” and they are able to express their Desires to each other rather than their Needs.

They are closer than they have ever been in their seventeen years of marriage. They have truly found what being in a Relationship of Love is and how it is far better than a being “In Love.”

Take a minute to think about how you feel when someone says to you, “I need you to _________.” The translation is, “I need you to be different than you are for me to be happy.” Does this thought make you feel pressure, a sense of choking, undesirable emotions towards the other? Well you are not alone – most people feel this way when someone tells them they NEED them to be different than they are.

Neediness is an emotion that others will make you happy if they will just listen to what you Need. Need is not honoring your soul’s spiritual growth, Need actually puts you in a coma. Need says, “When the other person does what I need them to do, I will be able to wake up and life will be wonderful again.”

When we think about how we desire our Relationship of Love to be, and we express to our partner our desire of a Relationship of Love, it does not put the emotion of the Ego into play.

When we express our desire of how we want to experience life and our Relationship of Love, it is much like praying with our partner. By expressing our desire, we are standing in our own self-love and personal power and are able to give Love to our partner. This increases the honor of our soul’s spiritual path.

To put your desire into action and remove the Need in life, here are a few steps to act on.
· First, sit by yourself and think about what you desire in a Relationship of Love.
· Next, think about what you will do to act on the desire. What action can you take to honor your desire in the Relationship of Love.
· Third, take time to express your desire of a Relationship of Love to your partner and how you desire it to be.

If you need help, email me at or call me at 239-253-2884.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

When Life is Spinning Out of Control

When life is out of control and you feel like you can’t handle one more thing, what can you do? Follow some of these tips and feel your life stop spinning.

One of the first things to do is make a list of what you feel is out of control.

Next, take time to see what you can do today to eliminate one or more of the items.

Kindly refrain from engaging in any new requests from family and friends – this only adds to the list of things that are overwhelming you. For more information on this topic, check out my article, “The Ping Pong Game of LIFE.”

Decide how you want each of the items on your list to be different and set a clear direction. Sometimes we are not clear at first, and it takes a bit of action on the matter before we become clear. The point is to stay focused on what is important and not add more to your plate in a time when you are feeling life is out of control. This is key to living in peace.

One of the most important steps is to take time to sit quietly with a journal or a piece of paper on a daily basis. While sitting, think of one of the items on your list and write about your feelings, intention and gratitude. Then remember, it is the action you take for the day that will put you on the path to peace.

I’d like to bring up one small point that may also help. Did you know when you drink alcohol you will feel the depressing effects up to two days later? This is often when the spinning out of control happens again. We have a drink to calm the spinning, and it appears to help us for the moment, but it is only temporary, and the spinning catches right back up with us.

I am not saying never drink alcohol, but what I am saying is don’t think in two days after drinking alcohol you are going to feel better. In fact, most times the overwhelmed feelings coupled with the depressant of alcohol cause people to feel even worse two days later. It is important to understand this so you do not make big plans on Tuesday, such as speaking to your boss or spouse about something that has been bothering you, after drinking alcohol on Saturday night.

These steps have helped many find peace in their lives instead of always feeling like they are spinning out of control. If you need someone to help you be accountable contact a Certified Life Coach and learn the techniques to living a peaceful life.

Sending you all Peace and Happiness
Lynne Pietrzyk

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Gifts

The good news is that we are all given many gifts in our daily lives. The bad news is that many of us have not learned to appreciate them. These gifts come in many forms, but they are often overlooked. Why is this?

It’s because we are busy dwelling on the past and holding onto guilt … and worrying about the unknown future. Dwelling on the past and worrying about the future prevents us from living in our Present moment; and it prevents us from seeing the gifts given to us every day.

For every day we spend living in the past or the future, we are missing the gifts of the present moment. If you understand this concept, continue reading.

Many of us have not yet been taught what to do when worry and fear start working on our thoughts, but that’s what I would like to do for you. Read on to learn a simple technique to get you started on the lesson.

This lesson is just like learning algebra – you have to start with simple steps and build on them to learn it fully. If you can commit to 15 minutes a day, you will master the first phase.

The first phase is journaling your thoughts. To many this is scary, and they get a huge mental block about it. I believe this is because it is so simple. Many people believe it is too simple, so it can’t possibly help them. As a result, they don’t do the journaling.

Remember this is the first lesson. Once you see and feel the benefits of journaling, you have mastered it, and it will be a common way you work through your experiences of life.

Many clients ask me, “What am I suppose to write about?” This answer is different for everyone, but in the beginning, I would say describe the way you feel, remembering that there is no right or wrong answer, and you will not be asked to turn this homework in for a grade.

Learning to recognize the feelings and thoughts spinning in your head has not been a lesson we have spent much time learning. Allowing your true feelings to be described will teach you how to recognize your thoughts, allow you to appreciate your present moment, and help you start to release the past and present worries and fears.

Once you have spent 15 minutes journaling daily, you will discover on one special day that you are starting to see your life’s gifts. This is the first step. The second step is learning how to create the life you desire. This second step is a little more complex, and I suggest contacting a Certified Master Life Coach. If you contact me, I will assist you in finding the Certified Master Life Coach that is the best coach for you.

Note from the Author:
I write this to awaken you and give to you the lessons I have learned which have set me free of the worries and fears of life. Yes, I am a Certified Master Life Coach and I would enjoy working with you ONLY if it is right for you and me. As each person is unique so is each Life Coach, the intention is not how many clients can a coach get but how many can a coach help. I know that not all clients are only for me to help, my level of helping might be to match a client with another coach who I feel will be a better fit for the client.

“Coaching is not about being rich and famous
coaching is about helping others in what is best for all”

Certified Master Life Coach, Lynne Pietrzyk

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Ping Pong Game of LIFE

Have you ever found that once you make up your mind to make a change in your life, you suddenly receive bad news or something major occurs to keep you from taking action on that change?

This is something that happens on a regular basis to most people. It leaves them wondering why they have never kept their New Year’s Resolution or why they can never get to a point in life where there is no more chaos.

What we first have to understand is that most of us react to life as if it were a Ping Pong Game – the ball is coming at us, and most of us are usually playing multiple Ping Pong Games at one time.

Take a minute and visualize yourself standing at the table, holding the paddle and quickly hitting the ball (which is the experiences/obstacles/bad news/good news). This is where chaos starts. Why? Because the ball is coming at us fast and we react quickly, instead of taking time to evaluate the ball coming at us … to decide how it would benefit us and be in line with what we want to change.

Here is an example:

A wife wants to have a close, loving relationship with her husband and spends time working on herself to create this desire. Then she receives a big project at work, which could make her workday longer than before and ultimately keep her from spending time with her husband. The project would bring additional money into the bank account, which would be great to pay off bills, and she knows her husband would agree.

This is where the Ping Pong Game starts. She quickly takes on the project, full speed ahead. It brings in the extra money, but in the end, she is feeling disconnected from her husband and has probably had a few arguments regarding meaningless things. Chaos is all around her.

How do we have the loving close relationship, take on the big project and eliminate chaos?
· Communicate about how you see the days being longer and the possibility of not a lot of time together.
· Think about how you feel about not being together as much.
· Think about whether or not you want time away from your spouse, or if you could set up other ways to connect with each other during that time.
· Communicate with your spouse to make a list of things that will make you both feel connected.
· Remember to ask your spouse how they are feeling about the change and be open to finding a solution if it is not working.

One thing that will often happen during this time is we get another ball bounced at us from another game – it’s the teacher asking for volunteers at the kid’s school, or someone nominates us to be on the board for our favorite charity – and we hit that ball, too.

Why? Because our Ego tells us we should. We feel so flattered by them asking us for help, and our Ego feeds off the food that others need us to save them. Then, in the end, we find ourselves back in a disconnected relationship with our husband, chaos and overwhelm are the normal routines of the day, and we wonder if we will ever have a close relationship with our spouse.

When the Ping Pong Ball comes at you – a job offer, a board seat, dinner out with a friend – take the time to look at your desire to change your life and ask yourself, “Does this go in line with my desire, and is there something else that can be done that will allow both to occur?”

Humans have a tendency to think we have to act quickly, a lot like a microwave, in order to not miss out in life. Take time to journal about your desires and the Ping Pong Balls you receive. The act of journaling will help you slow down and make a clear choice.