Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Peace or Stress, You have a Choice

Which one do you want for today? Often we do not think about this as a choice – probably never. Think about it … you wake up, get ready for your day, begin your day driving and listening to the continued static talk of the radio, appear at work and maybe get creative, go home, eat dinner, watch T.V., go to bed and then start all over again.

In between these events, we are stressed, overwhelmed, hurt and angry, and then we wonder why our life is the way it is. If I told you it is only because you did not make a conscious decision on what you wanted your day to be like, would you make the choice daily?

If you choose peace, then just take small steps and have fun with it. Here are a few suggestions I have found to start living a peaceful life.

Choose peace, or the opposite of stress, every morning at the same time (while brushing your teeth, drinking your first cup of coffee or walking the dog).
Make a list of people you want to thank, and thank at least one person a day.
Waive and smile at people you pass in the store, driving or walking.
Check back in with yourself every hour to make sure you still want peace.

There are other ways to live in peace, but these are simple, basic ways that will make you feel good, without overwhelming you.

If you choose stress, enjoy it, feel it and remember it was your choice, not anyone else’s. Also make sure to let those around you know your choice – it’s the least you can do.

Peace does not come from external forces. It does not come from someone else or a better job. It is truly about what is inside you.

This is hard to hear, I know, because we have been programmed all of our lives to believe peace is something too big to obtain and that it comes from others, not ourselves. Many of us dream about what “peace on earth” would be like, but we think it’ll never happen, because we have no earthly idea how it could ever be accomplished. We mistakenly think it would take people bigger and more powerful than us to accomplish peace on earth, so we give up on it and go back to our stressed out lives.

But take a minute and think about what you want. If it’s peace in your life, then all you need to focus on is your peace, not the world’s peace. When you focus on your peace, the people around you benefit, then the community benefits, then our country and then our world. It is a powerful ripple effect to all mankind and then back to you.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

A Crisis in the Making

Do we have a crisis because that is what everyone else has? Like getting the fancier car because the neighbor just got a new car. Do we label others with a crisis like the “midlife crisis?”

I have thought about this; gone through what could be labeled as a midlife crisis; coached clients who said they were going through a midlife crisis and read many articles about the signs of midlife crisis.

The term midlife crisis is a label, and it has no solution. I see it as a negative label with the message saying, “Just get over yourself” or “Just forget about it” or “Your life will be better when all the things around you – career, relationships, health and finances – change.”

This is the first delusion. A crisis is not happening because of anyone or anything outside of you. The crisis is just YOU. So let’s get real and learn why we have crises. When we know the why, what and how, we can shift to healing what we have labeled a crisis.

How did the crisis come to be? I believe it started in the beginning of our life journeys. As a child, we are given the answers and told what to do and when to do it. As a teenager, we are expected to know what to do and how to do it. Then, comes the spreading of our wings – we are expected to know how to fly, but our teen years were not spent on Life Flying Lessons, so we spend a few years falling down and getting up again.

We go to college or dedicate ourselves to a career, and by our mid-twenties, we are feeling good about ourselves. By thirty, we have most likely found a life partner and even started a family. We feel a sense of relief – the spotlight is not shining on us. We have arrived, and our Ego says its time to sit back and go to sleep. “You have made it. You have done what all the elders have asked you to do. You have a career and a family. Now it’s time to take a break.”

Then we arrive in our late thirties or early forties, and start to wake up from the coma – the break our Ego told us to take – and we say, “What’s going on? I am alive, but I am not living. I want more out of life than this. It must be my career, my job or my relationship that did this to me.”

Then our mind races, dances and fills itself with thoughts of the Ego, “Life would be better if I was not in this relationship, career or job.” At this moment, we have a chance to own our responsibility and clean up our life. Often that means staying in the career, job or relationship while we clean up ourselves.

Why do we have crises? I believe we have them because we are not congruent in our life. To be congruent, our thoughts, words and actions need to be in line with one another. One of the ways we are incongruent is when we divert into someone else’s life by fixing and enabling them. When we divert onto someone else’s life journey, we are not present in our own life. Our soul goes into a coma, and we live in someone else’s life. Then one day we wake up and say, “What’s going on? What am I doing in life?” We blame the person whose life we diverted into, and Ego thoughts start developing, “He/she controlled me, made me do things I don’t want to do, and held me back from my dreams.” These are thoughts of the Ego with judgment and martyr written all over them. Then we say, “There has to be more out of life than what my life is right now.”

This brings me to the “what.” What is a crisis? A crisis is when we decide we want our life to be different than it has been. Having a crisis does not mean we should end a relationship, quit a job, change a career or move to a new town or state. We hear people say it all the time, “Oh, they got a divorce because he/she was going through a midlife crisis.” What really happened is that person woke up and said, “For the last 15 years I have done everything they have wanted, and I am not living the life I want.” As a result, they think they must leave the relationship, job or career to enjoy life. But, the truth is that leaving is not the action that will make the crisis go away. And, leaving without realizing our responsibility in the crisis will only create the pattern again in another relationship, job or career.

If you think you’re having a crisis, I will be happy to coach you through it. Call me at 239-253-2884 or email me at lynne@shiftandwakeup.com.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Are your Relationships a Mess?

Do you wonder if you will ever find love in your life? Do you wonder why your friendships are filled with conflict? Do you see most of the people around you as unsupportive? Read this blog to learn how to turn the relationships in your life from chaos to peace.

Many of us experience difficult relationships – whether with a spouse, co-worker, family member or friend. It’s difficult to understand why these relationships are always filled with conflict. Usually, we look to blame the other party, but, the truth is, in order to heal these relationships and find love, it first starts with healing you.

Most people don’t know how to heal themselves or even what it means. Healing you is a process of steps over a course of time. Ah, time, the one thing we don’t have enough of. Now you’re thinking, “You want me to do something that will take more time?”

Would you believe me if I told you that spending a few hours a week working on you would actually triple the number of hours you had in a week? If you knew that, would you do it? The way I see it is, you don’t have much to lose, because you are flushing time down the drain with all the chaos, drama and conflict in your relationships as they are.

How to heal you starts with a list of what you want your life to be, how you want to feel, and how you want to interact with the world. Do you want a life of Peace or Stress? It is truly that simple, Peace or Stress?

Most choose Peace, but knowing it and acting on it are where we get stuck. We have not had training in school or college on how to create Peace in our life.

So, here is a tip. Make a list of what you think Peace feels like. List out what brings Peace to you. Next commit today to do one of them and start healing you. You Deserve it. Contact a Certified Master Life Coach to start working on your path of healing and stay on course. I offer a 15 minute complimentary Coaching Session, for those who desire their lives to be at Peace, call me today at 239-253-2884 or email me at Lynne@ShiftandWakeUP.com to schedule your time.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Judgment and the Backlash that cripples us

Judgment and the Backlash that cripples us

Judgment is a silent killer. That’s right -- a killer. Every time we judge someone for not doing something the way we would do it, we are slowly killing ourselves. Here are the signs -- energy is depleted, our thoughts become unfocused and we feel irritated. This can slowly turn into hatred. Furthermore, when we judge someone else, we are not being present in OUR own lives. Instead of focusing on our own moment in time, we become consumed with what the other person should or should not be doing.

OUR moments are all we have, and to waste them away on how someone else should experience their journey is a killer. We honestly do not know what it is like to be someone else. We have no idea what is going on in his or her head. Trying to live in their world is like trying to duplicate their fingerprint. It simply cannot be done. So stop the madness, and you will stop the backlash that cripples you.

Why do we judge? It’s called DIVERSION. It’s easier to spend hours talking about why someone else did what he or she did than for us to stop and look at ourselves. Consider this: the people in life we can’t understand are our gifts – sent to wake us up to the reality of our own lives. Once we do, life becomes easier, less stressful and more abundant.

I know you may have heard this topic before, perhaps from another author or speaker. Maybe this thought process did not work for you then and you are feeling unsure about it now. Well, thank goodness, Thomas Edison did not give up on making the light bulb or you would be reading this in the dark. We have to push through the resistances and keep experiencing OUR moments -- not someone else’s. When we judge others, we kill a part of our magic as human beings. We can do magnificent things in our lives – we just have to walk away from the judgment thoughts.

I am offering 15 minute complimentary Coaching Session,

Call me today at 239-253-2884 or email me at lynne@shiftandwakeup.com

Get started on YOU!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Did you hear the Gossip?

Jim lost his job; Carol is going to tell Jim she wants a divorce; and Ron and Michelle’s son, Timmy, was diagnosed with ADD.

Gossip is something we, as a society, have become accustomed to doing and include it in our everyday conversations. If you don’t believe me, then just keep a note pad next to your phone and keep track. Every time you mention someone else’s life, mark it down on your note pad.

Why do we gossip so much? Why are we so consumed with what is going on in everyone else’s lives? Because we can’t stand our own life. Because our life is out of control, and we don’t know how to fix it. Instead, we consume ourselves with the lives of others.

I call this “jumping into someone else’s journey and leaving your own.” First, the Gossiper starts by Gossiping about someone else. Then they tell everyone how they think the Gossipee can fix her life. The Gossiper says, “If she would only listen to me, her life would be better.” Then, when the Gossippee acts on her problem, the Gossiper says, “I have been telling her to DO THAT.” And, finally, the Gossiper says, “I was right,” when the plan works.

Gossip is a negative source of energy. It does nothing to help the person it is about – it just spreads the negativity to others and increases yours.

Once the other person gets the gossip, it has a little bit of the Gossiper’s opinion on it. It is then passed on to another person to add their opinion, and before you know it, it has been spread around to many others with many negative thoughts.

Here is an example. If someone tells you something exciting about someone else, like, “Laura had her baby boy yesterday,” you would most likely feel joy and happiness for Laura and her baby boy. This is positive energy being spread from one to one another.

If someone told you Jim lost his job a week before Christmas, you would probably feel sadness, betrayal and anger. You would wonder, “How could someone do this to Jim?” This is all negative energy.

This is how energy – negative or positive – is spread to each other through our words. The question often arises in my coaching sessions with clients, “What can I do to stop the gossip coming to me? I can’t stop people from saying things about others!” I always say, “Oh, yes you can – not with anger and rudeness but with kindness and teaching.”

If you want to stop the gossip in your life, practice this exercise today: When someone starts to gossip to you about another person, tune out the negative tale and think positive thoughts about that person. Think about a time when you had fun with that person – a time when they were laughing and happy.

This technique uses the power of positive energy to heal the negative energy. By tuning out the gossip and thinking positive thoughts, you are not focusing on the opinions of the Gossiper, and you are not trying to shut them up. All you are doing is thinking positive thoughts about the person they are speaking about.

This takes practice, trust me. We don’t just get it on the first time, so keep practicing and see how you feel after the conversation is over. You will probably feel one of three ways – numbness, happiness or unconditional love for all. These are the phases that most go through as they practice this exercise.

The numb feeling is proof it works, because you are not feeling negativity from the gossip. With a little more practice, you will feel happiness, and then soon, unconditional love for all. The other exciting result is those who feed off gossiping about others will no longer want to tell you about their latest gossip, because they don’t get fed from you engaging. Like I said earlier, you DO have the ability to stop the gossip.

One other thing is to make sure you don’t feed others with gossip about yourself. Take some time to think about how you feel about major life changes going on in your life before you run around spreading your initial feelings to others. Until you have had some time to clear your thoughts and understand what you are going through, you should only share them with a positive person.

Most people find their Life Coach as this positive sounding board. Telling someone who is already covered in negative thoughts will only add to the negative thoughts you are having and is how gossip starts.

If you don’t understand or believe we are all connected energy, then I encourage you to see the movie Avatar. This movie delivers the teaching about how our energy is all connected and how we can make our world a better place.