Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Relationship of Love

As a society, we have spent a lot of time focusing on being “In Love” with someone. Many people think they are a failure if they don’t find love.

I have thought about what being in love means, and for a long time I wondered what it felt like. I wondered if I would ever feel it or if I was feeling it but did not realize it.

I believe many people struggle with what it means to be “In Love” and wonder if they will ever find it. Many search endlessly for their “soul mate” in life and never really find that one special person. Others jump from one relationship to another hoping to find what being in love is all about.

Over the past three years, I have been given the personal experience to study what being “In Love” is all about, and here is what I have concluded…

What we truly desire as humans is relationships that honor our souls and enlighten our spiritual path. Love is one of the aspects that fulfills this desire. However, there is more to explore than just L.O.V.E.

One aspect is communication. How do you communicate with your “In Love” partner? Do you only talk about the things that need to be done, the things you need from them, or the things you need them to do?

Often this is the case. From a young age, we are taught to tell others what we need. If they don’t give it to us, they are not in love with us. The thought that you “NEED” someone else to do something for you is a thought of the Ego. The ego does not feel complete without someone else giving to it. The Ego needs and it needs others to do things differently for it to be happy.

As I have studied the relationships of love for the last three years, I have discovered what a Relationship of Love is and how it differs from being “In Love.”

In short, I believe the relationship of Love is about each person’s desires that honor and enlighten their soul’s spiritual path. To translate how this looks in our world, here is a short story of how one couple’s relationship went from being “In Love” to a Relationship of Love.

In the beginning, the couple was “In Love” – it was exciting and fun. They spent time together going to the movies, out to eat and dancing. They were in the swing of dating and having a great time.

They soon felt the need to move their relationship to the next level, so they got married. After a few years, they decided to have a child, and 16 months later, they had another child. Life was busy with two in diapers and thriving careers. They had little time for each other.

There was talk of being “In Love” with words of “I Love YOU” being mentioned on a daily basis, but there was little action toward honoring each other with love. Of course, there was the usual celebration of love on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Birthdays and Christmas – thank goodness for these holidays, otherwise many would be completely without the honoring of love.

The couple spent many years in survival mode, and communication was curt and business like. Conversations were like this, “Did you pay this bill?” “Did you take out the trash?” “Did you make the doctor appointment for the kids?” “Will you be able to make the kids’ soccer game?”

The couple survived by thinking, “Once we get through this stage of life, then we will be able to show our love for each other.” They also had the other deadly thought, “He/She must know I love them. I tell them all the time.”

After ten years of this survival mode and disconnection, it is no surprise that the couple was facing divorce. But, after working with a Life Coach and taking time to work on their own self-love, they have each discovered their true desires about a Relationship of “Love,” and they are able to express their Desires to each other rather than their Needs.

They are closer than they have ever been in their seventeen years of marriage. They have truly found what being in a Relationship of Love is and how it is far better than a being “In Love.”

Take a minute to think about how you feel when someone says to you, “I need you to _________.” The translation is, “I need you to be different than you are for me to be happy.” Does this thought make you feel pressure, a sense of choking, undesirable emotions towards the other? Well you are not alone – most people feel this way when someone tells them they NEED them to be different than they are.

Neediness is an emotion that others will make you happy if they will just listen to what you Need. Need is not honoring your soul’s spiritual growth, Need actually puts you in a coma. Need says, “When the other person does what I need them to do, I will be able to wake up and life will be wonderful again.”

When we think about how we desire our Relationship of Love to be, and we express to our partner our desire of a Relationship of Love, it does not put the emotion of the Ego into play.

When we express our desire of how we want to experience life and our Relationship of Love, it is much like praying with our partner. By expressing our desire, we are standing in our own self-love and personal power and are able to give Love to our partner. This increases the honor of our soul’s spiritual path.

To put your desire into action and remove the Need in life, here are a few steps to act on.
· First, sit by yourself and think about what you desire in a Relationship of Love.
· Next, think about what you will do to act on the desire. What action can you take to honor your desire in the Relationship of Love.
· Third, take time to express your desire of a Relationship of Love to your partner and how you desire it to be.

If you need help, email me at or call me at 239-253-2884.

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