Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Did you hear the Gossip?

Jim lost his job; Carol is going to tell Jim she wants a divorce; and Ron and Michelle’s son, Timmy, was diagnosed with ADD.

Gossip is something we, as a society, have become accustomed to doing and include it in our everyday conversations. If you don’t believe me, then just keep a note pad next to your phone and keep track. Every time you mention someone else’s life, mark it down on your note pad.

Why do we gossip so much? Why are we so consumed with what is going on in everyone else’s lives? Because we can’t stand our own life. Because our life is out of control, and we don’t know how to fix it. Instead, we consume ourselves with the lives of others.

I call this “jumping into someone else’s journey and leaving your own.” First, the Gossiper starts by Gossiping about someone else. Then they tell everyone how they think the Gossipee can fix her life. The Gossiper says, “If she would only listen to me, her life would be better.” Then, when the Gossippee acts on her problem, the Gossiper says, “I have been telling her to DO THAT.” And, finally, the Gossiper says, “I was right,” when the plan works.

Gossip is a negative source of energy. It does nothing to help the person it is about – it just spreads the negativity to others and increases yours.

Once the other person gets the gossip, it has a little bit of the Gossiper’s opinion on it. It is then passed on to another person to add their opinion, and before you know it, it has been spread around to many others with many negative thoughts.

Here is an example. If someone tells you something exciting about someone else, like, “Laura had her baby boy yesterday,” you would most likely feel joy and happiness for Laura and her baby boy. This is positive energy being spread from one to one another.

If someone told you Jim lost his job a week before Christmas, you would probably feel sadness, betrayal and anger. You would wonder, “How could someone do this to Jim?” This is all negative energy.

This is how energy – negative or positive – is spread to each other through our words. The question often arises in my coaching sessions with clients, “What can I do to stop the gossip coming to me? I can’t stop people from saying things about others!” I always say, “Oh, yes you can – not with anger and rudeness but with kindness and teaching.”

If you want to stop the gossip in your life, practice this exercise today: When someone starts to gossip to you about another person, tune out the negative tale and think positive thoughts about that person. Think about a time when you had fun with that person – a time when they were laughing and happy.

This technique uses the power of positive energy to heal the negative energy. By tuning out the gossip and thinking positive thoughts, you are not focusing on the opinions of the Gossiper, and you are not trying to shut them up. All you are doing is thinking positive thoughts about the person they are speaking about.

This takes practice, trust me. We don’t just get it on the first time, so keep practicing and see how you feel after the conversation is over. You will probably feel one of three ways – numbness, happiness or unconditional love for all. These are the phases that most go through as they practice this exercise.

The numb feeling is proof it works, because you are not feeling negativity from the gossip. With a little more practice, you will feel happiness, and then soon, unconditional love for all. The other exciting result is those who feed off gossiping about others will no longer want to tell you about their latest gossip, because they don’t get fed from you engaging. Like I said earlier, you DO have the ability to stop the gossip.

One other thing is to make sure you don’t feed others with gossip about yourself. Take some time to think about how you feel about major life changes going on in your life before you run around spreading your initial feelings to others. Until you have had some time to clear your thoughts and understand what you are going through, you should only share them with a positive person.

Most people find their Life Coach as this positive sounding board. Telling someone who is already covered in negative thoughts will only add to the negative thoughts you are having and is how gossip starts.

If you don’t understand or believe we are all connected energy, then I encourage you to see the movie Avatar. This movie delivers the teaching about how our energy is all connected and how we can make our world a better place.

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